Miserable At Best
by Kiimii-Rose
Summary: "Your Beneath Me."Spike has heard those words twice in his life by the two woman he has loved the most.It shattered him the first time he heard them,which is was part of the reason he was turned into a Vampire.What will he do when he hears those words from the love of his life again? will he take it better than he did the first time? or will he be shattered like last time? One-Shot


Heyy Guys this story was inspired by Season 5 when Buffy needs to get information on the 2 slayers that Spike has killed in the past. i hope you enjoy it :)

Kiimii xxx

* * *

"You're beneath me." was her last words to me before she threw the money at me and walked away. I sat on the floor in the ally gritting my teeth holding back the heartfelt tear that hid behind my eyes. I was alone and all I felt like doing was crying. but I couldn't , I couldn't cry if Buffy saw me crying she would think of me as weak and nothing but I disgrace to the vampire society. But I wasn't I wasn't a disgrace.

I was a bad ass vampire; I live with the craving to kill and an enormous blood lust that would never fade. I had the ability to kill without remorse and I didn't mind it at all .The spatter of innocent blood didn't affect me at all.

I lived with no guilt in my life apart from one thing, that I had no chance with the Slayer. I loved her, I was willing to give up my vampire pride to be with the Slayer but the only reason I wasn't already with her was because she wouldn't let me in.

After few moments before walking away back to my crypt. When I arrived back at the crypt I stomped down stairs to my desk. I was going to write a letter to buffy about how she angers me but I couldn't. I couldn't send it to her. I knew it would pain her too much.

I looked down at the words I had written, I read them over and over again as I sat in silence thinking of nothing other than Buffy. She was beautiful and amazing, thought she was extremely strong almost stronger than me and whenever I was with her I craved her touch.

I wanted her to touch me, to kiss me to even ravish me but know that she wouldn't ever. I couldn't think it all I wanted but I knew that it would never happen no matter how much I begged.

I wiped my eyes as I tried to regain my sanity. I needed to stop crying like a sodden baby. I wasn't a girl and I sure as hell needed to stop acting and blubbering like one.

I stood up from my bed and walked away to go and do something to entertain myself. I walked up stairs and walked towards the TV "Uhhh… good old Passion." I smiled as I turned on the TV and sat down comfortably in my leather chair.

**1 hour later:**

"_Okay, I'm getting terribly bored."_ I stood up, turned off the TV and walked out the door I was going to the demon bar. I needed a drink, I seriously need a drink.

* * *

I kicked the door open to find Spike's crypt bare. "_He must be at the bar."_ I thought to myself. I walked around trying to find him. But he was nowhere to be found.

"_He might be down stairs."_ I thought to myself, I walked down stairs to be faced with a bare room. Spike was still nowhere to be found. I walked around Spikes room there was nothing interesting in this room until I was about to walk out. A white note book on Spike's bed caught my eyes. I walked towards it and sat down.

The note book was medium sized and fitted in my grasp perfectly. I looked down as I read the words written on the note bad. I began to cry as each word impacted deeply on my brain.

_You pull me in, you hug me tight_

_You cry on my shoulder, Late at night_

_And then you push me away, like you did today and yesterday_

_You leave me confused and alone_

_It's hard to forget the times that you wanted to leave_

_You keep saying that they were bad decisions that you made_

_And when you say those words it's like you stab me with a sharp blade_

_And I feel like I fade_

_I believe my kiss can mend your broken heart_

_I would lend you broken parts_

_That might fit and fix your broken heart_

_But I know you think you're pretending from the very start_

_But I know you're not_

_You lie to yourself about the lot_

_People say that we shouldn't be together_

_But I know you won't live forever_

_But they don't know that I have waited all my life to love someone like you_

_And I know you will always love me too_

Tears flooded down the sides of my face as I kept reading along the page. I heard the door creaking open; I looked over to see Spike standing in the door way looking at me strange.

"What are you doing here Slayer?" Spike slurred as he Spike's voice echoed of an extremely drunken English man. He tipped his head back, taking another gulp from his beer bottle. It was tightly grasped in his hand.

"I was looking for you." I sniffed as I placed the note book back on the bed. "Why, it's not like you care about me anyway." His voice was stiffened as he whispered each word whilst looking me deep and intently in the eyes.

"I do care about you Spike." I looked down as I spoke each word. "Yeah I'm sure you do Slayer, you're just saying that so you can get me to bloody hell shut-"he suddenly stopped talking. I didn't realise that I had walked over to Spike and kissed him.

But I had and I had to admit my heart had stopped beating when my lips were on his. His lips moved more passionately on mine. His tongue invaded me mouth and I was taken, I was lost in him.

He stopped kissing me and placed his for head on mine. "I .Love. you." he smiled as he kissed me again." And I love you." I murmured against his lips. I felt a tear from his eye drip down my cheek. He was crying and it was adorable.

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him more and more passionately with each kiss. I pulled him close and closer as my urge for lust grew even more with each of the kisses exchanged.


End file.
